It’s no secret, I’m a big fan of Alan Moore’s work. I’ve managed to live through crappy Hollywood adaptations of several of his films, but as we all know, Watchmen is now set to be wrung through the Hollywood cash maker next year.

Alan Moore has made repeated statements that he doesn’t believe that there should ever be a Watchmen movie, and I am inclined to agree with him. I’ve commented on this on the blog several times before, so I won’t regurgitate the reasons for this here, as it just bores me

Just making a movie is one thing though, but times are hard over at DC comics, they have falling sales on their monthly comics, and their trade collections. So, it looks like they are prepared to cheapen the most valuable property they own in the sake of a quick buck. That is, they are preparing to release so much Watchmen merchandise that it almost rivals the amount of toys etc. that accompanied the Transformers movie!

The worst part of this is that, you know how you haven’t been able to get Watchmen merchandise for years? Well, there is a reason for that. Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons wouldn’t allow DC to do any merchandising. According to Wikipedia (I know it’s not 100% reliable):

“DC Comics also released a limited edition badge set featuring characters and images from the series, including a replica of the blood-stained smiley face badge worn by The Comedian that was featured so prominently in the story. It is claimed that this badge set caused friction between Moore and DC Comics — DC claimed that they were a “promotional item” and not merchandising, and therefore the company did not have to pay Moore or Gibbons royalties on the sets.

In addition to the badge set, DC also produced a Watchmen “Smiley” logo watch. In 1988 DC Comics released the Watchmen Portfolio, a slip cased set of 24 high quality prints comprising six French covers, six promotional posters and the twelve original covers. Each print is 25 cm by 38 cm.”

So, how come we are seeing merchandise now??? Simple, this merchandise is not based on Watchmen the Book, it is based on Watchmen THE MOVIE!

Stupid? Yep, but that is the joy of trademarks and copyrights etc.

Anyway, lets look at what they are making:

Action Figures

These are all pretty poor quality. Rorschach is OK though

Nit Owl Action Figure

Ozymandias Action Figure

Rorschach Action Figure

Silk Spectre Action Figure

Compare this to DC’s Silk Spectre prototype figure based on the comic. What do you notice? Yes, she isn’t dressed like a hooker in the comic!

classic Night Owl Action Figure

classic Silk Spectre Action Figure

Dr. Manhattan Action Figure

The Comedian Action Figure

$100 Deluxe Action Figures

Memorabilia

Here’s where it gets really tacky kids

Owl Ship 1:24 Scale Replica

One word: Lame! $329!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Rorschach Grappling Gun and Mask

Yes, I’ve always wanted a crappy cloth mask and fake looking grappling gun. How much? $295. What the Hell?!

The Comedian’s Guns and Dog Tags Display Set

Wow! for $295 I think I would rather buy a real gun, and use it to shot whoever thought up this shit in the head!!

Busts

Watchmen XBox

$600 on ebay.

Yes, you have a Watchmen Xbox. That is exactly what Alan Moore had in mind when he wrote the story. Well done, Douche-bag!

If you see anyone buying any of this bollocks (particularly the Xbox), please send me their names and addresses, so I can go to their houses and smash this crap up!

Related posts:

1. Moron - Sorry, I meant, More on the Watchmen Video Game
2. Attention to Detail: On the Mindscape of a Madman, and Turning a Materpiece into Merchandising
3. Well, the Watchmen Trailer Is Out, Not That I Really Care
4. Just give me a cup of coffee, and nobody needs to die today!!
5. Twittering Away! 24-July-2008